M: 5 miles (turned into 4.5)
T: 3 miles
R: 5 miles
Sa: 9 miles
I ran Monday's run on the treadmill after work. I generally have less energy after work, but the run wasn't too bad. I was still sore from Saturday's race, but after about a half mile I loosened up. I cut it short because of stomach problems, but my legs and breathing felt good. I also ran Tuesday's 3 miles on the treadmill (at lunch). This went well, too. I was feeling pretty good about the week's runs.
Then...Thursday came. We ran outside after work. I felt off from the start. I usually loosen up after a mile, but not so this night. I literally felt like I was running in place in a resistance pool. Sad thing was---the conditions were great. Beautiful night, great temperature, no wind---a great night to run! Jonathan was running a bit ahead of me (as usual), and after 3 miles, I stopped to stretch and told him to leave me. I was totally discouraged...until I looked at my watch and saw one of the reasons I felt so awful---the pace! We were just 5 seconds/mile off my 10k pace. Ummm...much too fast for me on a 5 mile "easy day"! I quit beating myself up (a little) after I noticed that and slowed down my pace. The last 2 miles were a non-event.
I was feeling okay going into Saturday's 9 miler. 8 miles went better than I thought. Both 5 mile runs were okay so I naively thought that if I made sure my pace was on track, all would be well. Not so! The Great 7 Mile Disaster of September 21 has been dethroned by the Great 9 Mile Disaster of October 18!
The first 5 miles of this run went fine. I was a little tight and my legs were certainly tired, but otherwise, I was doing well. At 4.5 miles, I stopped for water and a shot block. We were ahead of pace (my goal was 11 minute miles), and I was feeling confident (translation--overconfident...disaster impending!). As we came up the first hill on the way back, the wind hit and just nailed me! Just like that, the run went spiraling out of control. This is how it usually happens for me---if my head is not in it, my body continues to fall apart. It's bad enough that my legs and breathing feel horrible, but when that's all my mind will focus on...yuck! It's that much worse. Then...the negative self talk chimes in--"you're terrible. why did you think you could do this? you're embarrassing yourself. you're too overweight to do this. you'll never make it 13.1 miles. go home. take a warm bath. and don't ever put on your running shoes again." By this time, I'm usually crying. As you can imagine, crying does wonders for my already labored breathing!
I knew there was only one way to get to my car (remember I'm only at mile 6 when this meltdown begins)...my own 2 feet. So I start breaking it down by miles and make a deal with myself that I will power walk the hills. Still too much for my irrational mind to handle so I start breaking it down by telephone polls. Crying stops, and I make it to 7.5 miles. Tears are gone; I'm covering ground. I just keep counting telephone polls until I get to the end of the trail. By then, just .5 miles to go. Anyone can run .5 miles; right? I wasn't so sure, but I had Gatorade and more water at the car, and the car is the only way to get to the warm bath so I finish it off.
Awful. Just awful. I hope I'm not lying to myself when I tell poor pitiful me that without the wind and hills, 9 miles wouldn't have been so bad (must tell myself that because 10 miles looms ahead). So many thoughts swirling in my head right now. Much too many to process in a post. But a few I'll try to write about later are:
T: 3 miles
R: 5 miles
Sa: 9 miles
I ran Monday's run on the treadmill after work. I generally have less energy after work, but the run wasn't too bad. I was still sore from Saturday's race, but after about a half mile I loosened up. I cut it short because of stomach problems, but my legs and breathing felt good. I also ran Tuesday's 3 miles on the treadmill (at lunch). This went well, too. I was feeling pretty good about the week's runs.
Then...Thursday came. We ran outside after work. I felt off from the start. I usually loosen up after a mile, but not so this night. I literally felt like I was running in place in a resistance pool. Sad thing was---the conditions were great. Beautiful night, great temperature, no wind---a great night to run! Jonathan was running a bit ahead of me (as usual), and after 3 miles, I stopped to stretch and told him to leave me. I was totally discouraged...until I looked at my watch and saw one of the reasons I felt so awful---the pace! We were just 5 seconds/mile off my 10k pace. Ummm...much too fast for me on a 5 mile "easy day"! I quit beating myself up (a little) after I noticed that and slowed down my pace. The last 2 miles were a non-event.
I was feeling okay going into Saturday's 9 miler. 8 miles went better than I thought. Both 5 mile runs were okay so I naively thought that if I made sure my pace was on track, all would be well. Not so! The Great 7 Mile Disaster of September 21 has been dethroned by the Great 9 Mile Disaster of October 18!
The first 5 miles of this run went fine. I was a little tight and my legs were certainly tired, but otherwise, I was doing well. At 4.5 miles, I stopped for water and a shot block. We were ahead of pace (my goal was 11 minute miles), and I was feeling confident (translation--overconfident...disaster impending!). As we came up the first hill on the way back, the wind hit and just nailed me! Just like that, the run went spiraling out of control. This is how it usually happens for me---if my head is not in it, my body continues to fall apart. It's bad enough that my legs and breathing feel horrible, but when that's all my mind will focus on...yuck! It's that much worse. Then...the negative self talk chimes in--"you're terrible. why did you think you could do this? you're embarrassing yourself. you're too overweight to do this. you'll never make it 13.1 miles. go home. take a warm bath. and don't ever put on your running shoes again." By this time, I'm usually crying. As you can imagine, crying does wonders for my already labored breathing!
I knew there was only one way to get to my car (remember I'm only at mile 6 when this meltdown begins)...my own 2 feet. So I start breaking it down by miles and make a deal with myself that I will power walk the hills. Still too much for my irrational mind to handle so I start breaking it down by telephone polls. Crying stops, and I make it to 7.5 miles. Tears are gone; I'm covering ground. I just keep counting telephone polls until I get to the end of the trail. By then, just .5 miles to go. Anyone can run .5 miles; right? I wasn't so sure, but I had Gatorade and more water at the car, and the car is the only way to get to the warm bath so I finish it off.
Awful. Just awful. I hope I'm not lying to myself when I tell poor pitiful me that without the wind and hills, 9 miles wouldn't have been so bad (must tell myself that because 10 miles looms ahead). So many thoughts swirling in my head right now. Much too many to process in a post. But a few I'll try to write about later are:
- 13.1 miles? Yeah right.
- I started this running thing to feel better about myself, but all it seems to be doing is make me feel worse about myself.
- Running has become the "monkey on my back". I'm starting to not even look forward to the weekend because I know the long run is waiting for me.
Here's a thought: maybe you should do a 4 or 5 mile run without Jonathan. When I run with David, I often get discouraged because he runs so fast. Even if I know that I need to run an "easy" pace, my competitive nature makes me want to keep up with him.
ReplyDeleteIf you can run 9 miles, you can finish the half marathon. Trust me, you are running a very difficult route out at Wildcat Bluff, and White Rock Lake will not be nearly as hilly. Maybe you should try a long run on the I-40 frontage road or Amarillo Blvd.
I am proud of you for sticking with your training. Remember, if it were easy, everyone would be doing it!!
I am so proud of you for running 9 miles that is a huge accomplishment--but I jnow what you are saying sometimes running does make you feel worst about yourself--but it is better than the people sitting on the couch!!! I am proud of you!!!
ReplyDeleteGREAT JOB SIS!!!!! Don't worry about time and just focus on finishing you type A personality. You've done great thus far and will finish great I know---we're Bozeman's!!!!! I'm looking forward to the race and us doing it together. Love you, Lori
ReplyDeleteThanks, gals! Good idea, Christine. It's a double edged sword with him. On the one hand, I push myself harder than I need to because I don't want to look stupid in front of him (totally failed on that Saturday by the way---sweating, sobbing, and dragging my leg along with me because my knee hurt so bad is not every man's fantasy about his wife!). However, sometimes I push myself and reach limits I wouldn't otherwise reach because he's there. Arghh!!
ReplyDeleteTrust me, Amber. Those people on the couch are the only ones this turtle will be beating...
Sis, if by "together" you mean we are physically at the same location; I'm excited, too! Though you will likely have time to go shower and grab a bite by the time I cross the finish line!