I. Am. Freaking. Out.

I have had 12 weeks to plan for every aspect of this weekend. Yet, I find myself now worrying about a million different things. Like:

1. Where will I carry my GU? I only tried it for the first time last run so I hadn't thought of this. My short pocket is too small (key size), and pinning a baggy to my shirt might get annoying because of the bouncing.
2. Which leads me to...why the heck did I only try GU for the first time last run? That can't be nearly enough time to get the kinks out...
3. I have a blister. I want to cushion it while I run because it freakin' hurts, but yet the cardinal rule is that I'm not supposed to try anything new on race day. Is there an exception for blisters? What if "they" are right? What if the Band-Aid crunches up and causes a blister somewhere else? I could use a wrap, but what if I wrap it too tightly and cause a calf cramp?
4. Should I save the songs that really fire me up for the beginning or the end? That's the problem with the shuffle, it's hard to find songs again once you've passed them.
5. I finally found shorts that don't ride up, but when I ran 10 the other night, they rode up the last couple of miles! What if they're riding up (or worse, I'm digging them out) when they take my picture at 8.5 miles or crossing the finish line?

There's more, but you probably already think I'm a freak (Lori). Unless you're Christine, then you get it.

Moving on to time goals...here they are...drum roll please...

1. Perfect circumstance goal=2:24:00. This would mean an 11:00/mile pace, which is 45 seconds slower than my 10k pace and 1 minute faster than my 10 mile training run. I haven't run any training run longer than 6 miles at better than an 11:00/mile pace so this would be quite an accomplishment for me.

2. Pleased with the time goal=2:30:00. This would put me at a pace of 11:30/mile which is 30 seconds faster than my 10 mile training run. I'm planning to start out with this pace group and see how this pace feels.

3. Live with it goal=2:37:00. This is a 12:00/mile pace which I was able to sustain for 10 miles. Hopefully I can run another 3.1 at the same pace. I'll be pretty disappointed if I finish above 2:30:00, but I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for it.

You may notice that I no longer have a 2:15:something goal. I think it's unrealistic based on my previous times, and I really just want to finish as satisfied and as happy as I felt after my 10 mile run on Monday. I want to finish thinking, "I'm going to do that again." Now, I know I'll be exhausted (and yes, Sis, I might even cry tears of exhaustion), I know my body will ache, and I know I'll be walking like John Wayne for a couple of days, but I want to run conservatively and finish happy (as happy as someone who just ran 13.1 miles can feel).

So...say a prayer for me at 8am (and at 9:00am...and at 10:00am...and at 10:30am...hopefully you can stop after that!!!).

Week 12 of 12: Half Training Report

W: 4 miles (only did 2)
R: 3 miles (skipped)
F: 2 miles

Training? Check! Well, this is it! My last week of half training! Yahoo! I rested on Tuesday and went back at it on Wed. My left foot really bothered me on the last 2 miles of my 10 mile run, and it continued to hurt on Tuesday. When I tried to run on Wed., it was like stepping on a knife with every stride! I have a pretty high pain tolerance, but I just couldn't do it. I lasted only 2 miles (filled with generous walk breaks no doubt), quickly researched foot problems on the internet, called the massage therapist and scheduled time for her to work on it, called and moaned to my sis and Christine , worried myself silly that after all this training I might not make it through the half, and then took Thursday off to rest it. I'm happy to report that when I did an easy 2 mile run this morning, it hurt, but it didn't feel like a knife! It was pain I can tolerate (I certainly could tolerate it for 2 miles so here's to hoping I can tolerate it for 11.1 more!!!). I really am concerned about the giant blister I developed on my 10 mile run and the pain in the muscle to the right of my right shin. It knotted up again today. I know it loosens up eventually, but I dread the first 3 miles until it does so. I bought those Band Aids for blisters and hope it works miracles.

So...that's it! I'm done with my training. Now it's race time.

I'm a Double Digit Runner!

I am a double digit runner! I ran 10 miles! I must repeat: I ran 10 miles! Just 6 months ago, I could not even run 10 minutes. I must say, all the stars were aligned correctly for this one. I drank tons of water all day. I picked a nice flat 10 mile course. There was NO wind. It was a cool 55 degrees. I ate well all day. I planned the run and ran the plan.

I tried GU for the first time tonight. I was a little nervous as I have a pretty sensitive stomach, but I had no problems. I decided it would be a test run for the race. I wore the clothes I plan to race in, took the GU when I plan to during the race, and took water and walked at the mile markers I plan to during the race (yes, I have already scouted out the race map to see where the water stops are and which ones I will take water and walk through). I took no unscheduled walk breaks! I did, however, switch 2 around because my shin was killing me, and I really needed to stretch it. I stretched and took water at 2 miles, took water and GU at 5 miles, took water and power walked 30 seconds at 7 miles, and took water and GU at 9 miles. Other than that, I did not walk at all! Huge accomplishment for me!

I really worked on starting out slow this time. My goal was between 11:30-12:30 pace. I still ran the first mile too fast, but did well otherwise, finishing at just over a 12:00 pace. The first 2.5 miles were brutal--calf was cramping up and shin was knotted. I stopped and stretched and eventually it worked itself out. I need to remember that on Sunday---"this too shall pass". The last 2 miles were pretty brutal, too. Every ache was completely exacerbated, and I developed a blister. One thing I was totally pumped about though was that my breathing was great the whole 10 miles. I had to concentrate on my breathing to slow it down the last 2 miles, but it was light years better than previous runs. My legs really didn't feel like lead either; it was just the aches and pains that bothered me (feet, knee, blister, shin). I was so pumped when we finished! 10 whole miles! I got home, took an ice bath, called my sis to tell her the good news, and stayed up late. I can't decide if I was so excited over joining the "double digit runner club" or so juiced up on 3 GU's with caffeine, but either way, I wasn't sleepy.

So now, I really think I can do this thing. Those last 3.1 miles are gonna hurt; there's no doubt about that. But I do think I can finish them now. Hopefully, I can trim a bit of time off the miles and do so in a decent time as well.

Week 11 of 12: Half Training Report

T: 5 miles (turned into 2 miles)
W: 5 miles
F: 3 miles
M: 10 miles

The last "hard" week! And well, it was hard to stay motivated. I am really so tired of this running thing. Again, it was a "monkey on my back" all week. Monday we were supposed to run 5 miles, but Jonathan just wasn't "feeling it". I totally understand that, and he is always so understanding when I do so we just went to eat and ran some errands. A nice break. We decided we'd make it up later in the week.

Tuesday was our 8th anniversary, and we planned on taking that day off, but since we skipped Monday, we needed to run 5 miles. I got caught at work and got a late start so I only finished 2 miles. But I must say, if I had all the time in the world, I'd still have only finished 2 miles. I felt horrible. My legs weren't moving right, my shin was hurting, I felt like it was the first week again. I guess some days are just like that--so discouraging. I planned on making the 5 up on Thursday. Jonathan successfully completed his 5 on the treadmill.

Wednesday we went after work to do our other 5 mile run. A couple of miles into it, Jonathan bailed. I think he was feeling like I was on Tuesday. Man, I wanted so badly to hop off that treadmill with him! But it was the last week of hard runs so I willed myself to stick with it. A couple of miles into it, I found my stride, and finished without incident. I was so glad I did! That's one thing I love about running--that feeling of accomplishment when you know you could stop, but you don't.

Thursday I planned on getting up and running, but it was our first freeze, and snuggling up in bed won out. I stayed out late on Thursday night with a friend and knew getting up Friday would be tough. I had an emotional night and didn't get much sleep, but I knew I needed to get out there and do something physical to keep my mind off things. I blared "It's Not My Time" and other songs like it and bundled up. It was my first time running in the freezing weather. It felt good! My legs never really warmed up, but the cold air, loud music, and movement was just what I needed. I didn't run the full 5, but I ran 3. I felt like this was an accomplishment considering the lack of sleep and seriously unstable mental state I was in.

We planned our long run on Sunday, but Sunday turned out to be windy, windy, windy (25-30mph). After the 9 Mile Disaster of 10/18/08, we figured we better not risk another meltdown so we postponed to Monday. The long run deserves it's own post...

People Who Make You Better

I'm not much of a "friend" person. I attribute it to some bad experiences in my younger years, to moving a lot as a young married so not taking the time to invest in people I was moving from anyway, to the always difficult task once you are married of finding a couple where both parties click (you know--you like the wife, but your husband can't stand her husband or vice versa), to being married to my best friend and preferring him to most everyone...I don't know. Just seemed to add up to me, my God, my family, and very few close friends.

I learned the hard way that you have to surround yourself with people who make you a better person, a better couple. In all areas of my life, this has rang true. I have always thought of myself as an independent person who beat to her own drum, who peer pressure didn't work with, certainly not the "follower" in the crowd. Yet, I've noticed looking back how much people I'm around influence my attitude, my mood, my behavior...sometimes for the not-so-good: like exaggerating the negative when I'm around people who see the glass half empty, starting to nit-pick at Jonathan when I'm around wives who complain about their husbands, eating absolute junk when I'm with crowds who do so...and sometimes the good: stopping to "just be" (which I'm not usually prone to do) when I'm with people who are really deliberate about living in the moment, "passing it on" when I'm around someone who inspires kindness, taking a deep breath and lowering my voice when I'm around a gentle person.

We've really been blessed to make close friends where we have decided to settle down. You know...the kind of friends with whom you have a silent understanding that you'll do certain things together (watch the game, go to the dinner, etc.), that you can ask to help you move something really heavy, that you feel comfortable being around with no makeup and wet hair, that let you in when you've had one of those fights and you need a place to cool off, the kind who know the idiosyncrasies of you and your marriage and love you in spite of them (and sometimes even because of them)...those kind! And not only are they good, but they make you better.

Exercise is one of those areas our friends have made us better. They're the couple to whom Jonathan mentioned he'd like to do a 5k...the ones that said "you should!" . They were at our first 5k, first 10k (actually every race we've ever done), and will certainly be at our first half marathon (yes, I said "first" like I might do another). It's nice. It's not only nice to have friends who are healthy influences in your life and with whom you can do healthy things with (when we vacation together, we make time for exercise; the guys go mountain biking ; we'll travel to races together and make a weekend out of it); it's nice to feel like people are on your "team"--to have people to talk about your training with, to motivate you, to cheer you on at the races. For being such a not-much-of-a-"friend"-person, having these kind of friends is a blessing I definitely don't take for granted and most definitely count twice.

So, here's to friends who make us better and being friends who inspire "better"!

Week 10 of 12: Half Training Report

M: 5 miles (turned into 4.5)
T: 3 miles
R: 5 miles
Sa: 9 miles

I ran Monday's run on the treadmill after work. I generally have less energy after work, but the run wasn't too bad. I was still sore from Saturday's race, but after about a half mile I loosened up. I cut it short because of stomach problems, but my legs and breathing felt good. I also ran Tuesday's 3 miles on the treadmill (at lunch). This went well, too. I was feeling pretty good about the week's runs.

Then...Thursday came. We ran outside after work. I felt off from the start. I usually loosen up after a mile, but not so this night. I literally felt like I was running in place in a resistance pool. Sad thing was---the conditions were great. Beautiful night, great temperature, no wind---a great night to run! Jonathan was running a bit ahead of me (as usual), and after 3 miles, I stopped to stretch and told him to leave me. I was totally discouraged...until I looked at my watch and saw one of the reasons I felt so awful---the pace! We were just 5 seconds/mile off my 10k pace. Ummm...much too fast for me on a 5 mile "easy day"! I quit beating myself up (a little) after I noticed that and slowed down my pace. The last 2 miles were a non-event.

I was feeling okay going into Saturday's 9 miler. 8 miles went better than I thought. Both 5 mile runs were okay so I naively thought that if I made sure my pace was on track, all would be well. Not so! The Great 7 Mile Disaster of September 21 has been dethroned by the Great 9 Mile Disaster of October 18!

The first 5 miles of this run went fine. I was a little tight and my legs were certainly tired, but otherwise, I was doing well. At 4.5 miles, I stopped for water and a shot block. We were ahead of pace (my goal was 11 minute miles), and I was feeling confident (translation--overconfident...disaster impending!). As we came up the first hill on the way back, the wind hit and just nailed me! Just like that, the run went spiraling out of control. This is how it usually happens for me---if my head is not in it, my body continues to fall apart. It's bad enough that my legs and breathing feel horrible, but when that's all my mind will focus on...yuck! It's that much worse. Then...the negative self talk chimes in--"you're terrible. why did you think you could do this? you're embarrassing yourself. you're too overweight to do this. you'll never make it 13.1 miles. go home. take a warm bath. and don't ever put on your running shoes again." By this time, I'm usually crying. As you can imagine, crying does wonders for my already labored breathing!

I knew there was only one way to get to my car (remember I'm only at mile 6 when this meltdown begins)...my own 2 feet. So I start breaking it down by miles and make a deal with myself that I will power walk the hills. Still too much for my irrational mind to handle so I start breaking it down by telephone polls. Crying stops, and I make it to 7.5 miles. Tears are gone; I'm covering ground. I just keep counting telephone polls until I get to the end of the trail. By then, just .5 miles to go. Anyone can run .5 miles; right? I wasn't so sure, but I had Gatorade and more water at the car, and the car is the only way to get to the warm bath so I finish it off.

Awful. Just awful. I hope I'm not lying to myself when I tell poor pitiful me that without the wind and hills, 9 miles wouldn't have been so bad (must tell myself that because 10 miles looms ahead). So many thoughts swirling in my head right now. Much too many to process in a post. But a few I'll try to write about later are:

1. 13.1 miles? Yeah right.
2. I started this running thing to feel better about myself, but all it seems to be doing is make me feel worse about myself.
3. Running has become the "monkey on my back". I'm starting to not even look forward to the weekend because I know the long run is waiting for me.

On a more positive note, I had my first 20+ mile week!

Red Raider Road Race-My First 10k

As evidenced in previous posts, I was dreading this thing! I'm so glad I invited so many people to do this because otherwise I may have backed out. Our friends Christine and David, my sister, sister in law (Jenn), little brother and his wife (Amber), and my sister's friends, Christina, David, and Stephanie all ran.

We arrived at the race early to get our race bibs and warm up. It was a fun atmosphere since so many family members were there. I was really nervous. Jonathan decided he would run with me and encourage me and not run his own race--very sweet. I felt great the first two miles. My knee and shins have been hurting me a bit, but I had no problem with them at the start. That was encouraging. It was overcast and a little humid, but otherwise the weather was great.

We passed the first two mile markers and when the time was called, I was pleased because we were right around a 10:00 pace. I walked through the water stop at mile 2 and got water again at mile 3. It was a 2 loop course which I really didn't like because I was very tempted to turn and finish with the 5k runners instead of taking another loop! We completed the 5k in 31:30 so I was aware that I wouldn't meet the 1:00:"something" goal, but I was feeling great about the pace so far. In mile 4, I started to get discouraged, and my knee started hurting. A whole other loop? I wasn't sure I could keep up the pace. I walked for 30 seconds in mile 4 and engaged in some negative self talk (bad habit of mine). I was really getting ticked because I told myself to just make it to the next water stop which was supposed to be at mile 5, but it wasn't. In retrospect, it wasn't too far from mile 5, but I was completely irritated because I was counting on walking through the water stop at exactly mile 5. When I finally got to the water stop, I did get water and walk through the stop. After this, I was still tired, but felt rejuvenated knowing I only had a little over a mile left. My time was 51:"something" at mile 5 which motivated because I knew if I picked it up, I could finish in a "decent" time. At mile 6, I tried to really push it to the finish. I crossed at 1:03:45, and Jonathan at 1:03:46 (he let me cross first which was really sweet).





While I didn't meet my "perfect circumstance goal", I ended with a 10:15 pace which I'm really happy with, and beat my "pleased with it" goal. I really feel like I pushed myself, and I know I didn't have enough in me to meet a 1:00:"something" goal. Incidentally, my time did earn me a last place finish in my age group (sniffle, sniffle).

I felt pretty miserable during the second half and after the race which leads me to 2 thoughts--1. I didn't leave a lot on the table which I'm proud about. 2. I have no idea how I'm going to double that distance in 3 weeks.

I do take a little comfort in knowing I was really nervous and dreading the race and succeeded so hopefully I will succeed in the half despite my nerves and dread right now. I know I can cover the distance; it's just these self imposed time limits that make me dread the races so much--fear of "failure" I guess! I've got to work on redefining success/failure in races.

We stayed with my little brother and his wife and son over the weekend. All my siblings and their broods were in town which made for a fun weekend. See our fun here:

Week 9 of 12: Half Training Report

M: 8 m (make up for missed long run last week)
W: 5 m (skipped)
R: 3 m
Sa: 10k

8 miles was not fun, but it went better than 7 miles did! Hurray! We ran at Wildcat Bluff. It's 3 miles from Amarillo Boulevard to the black mailbox at Wildcat Bluff, and it's one mile from 34th and Soncy to Amarillo Boulevard. So we parked at Bakers Brothers at 34th and Soncy and ran from our car to the mailbox and back. This was our first time to run with hills. Maybe combining our longest run with our first hill work was not the smartest thing to do, but it actually went really well. The front of my lower leg was really hurting in mile 2, but once I stretched it out and ran through it, it felt great. My left knee really killed me on the last mile, but that's really the only physical pain I had going on.

This was also our first time to try shot blocks and run with the Camelbak (I have the Alterra). We were told to wash the shot blocks down with plenty of water. We ran out of water after our first shot block though so we only had that one. It went down easily and provided a boost (took it at mile 4). I really could have used another at miles 6 and 7. Next time we'll know.

So all in all, 8 miles went okay. I was dead tired, very sore for 2 days, disappointed in how long it took, but completely pumped that I made it the whole 8 miles!

Wednesday we were supposed to run 5 miles, but I was still pretty sore (especially my knee). I did not want to risk injury, and I wanted to "save my legs" for the 10k this weekend so we skipped this run. Thursday we went out for an easy 3 miler, and it went great. It definitely gave me a little confidence going into the 10k on Saturday (which I dreaded all week long!).

I survived the 10k! It deserves its own post. More later...

Will This Ever Get Easier?

I am constantly asking myself this question! I've been running consistently since April and some days it feels as difficult as the day I started. I read a quote that answered my question with a resounding "no!", which is a little discouraging and a little comforting at the same time:

"It never gets easier; you just go faster." Greg LeMond

Obstacles

"Obstacles are those frightening things that become visible when we take our eyes off our goals."

-Henry Ford

Goals when began walk/run back in April:

1. Consistent exercise.
2. Find form of exercise I can do with Jonathan.
3. Finish certain race distances: 5k, 10k, Half Marathon.

Obstacle now visible because I'm taking my eyes off these goals:

Me thinking accomplishing above goals is not enough; instead thinking I must accomplish them in a "certain way" for them to "count" (i.e. in a certain time).

Dear Me,

Please stay out of the way so I can be proud of accomplishing goals 1-3 without you robbing my joy.

P.S. Please also stop the negative talk during the first and last mile of each run.

Week 8 of 12: Half Training Report

M: 4.5 m run
W: 3 m run
R: 4.5 m run
F: 8 m run (skipped)
Sa: 30 min. walk/run; 35 min. power walking
Su: 55 min. power walking

Boy, was I dreading this week's runs! They turned out better than I thought (maybe because I skipped the long run?). Monday we tried talking while we ran--this was so much better! It helped me keep "on pace" (i.e. if I couldn't talk, I was going too fast) and took my mind off of my burning lungs and lead legs. We will definitely try to keep this up.

Wed. I ran 3 m by myself. It was hot out so I ended up walk/running it. I ran 10 minutes/walk 1 minute. This really worked out well. I was surprised that I finished in the same amount of time I usually finish 3 miles in. There might be something to this!

Thursday I ran 4.5 m on the treadmill. Again, I walked/ran it. I ran 11 minutes, walked 1 minute. I finished in a faster time than the 4.5 miles on Monday and felt so much stronger on the running segments. This has caused a struggle---I wanted to train myself to run without walking. Am I sissying out by doing this? I can't decide. I know that I finish "quicker" (relative when it's me) and "stronger" (also relative) when I do some walk/running. I looked online and saw that there are 8 water stops at the DRC Half. I think my gameplan for now is to walk 1 minute at each water stop. Since Hal Higdon recommends walking through water stops (albeit probably not for a whole minute), I think I can convince myself that this is not truly "walk/running" the thing; right?

We were all psyched to do our 8 m long run on Friday morning, but we didn't get a good night's rest so we skipped it. We will make it up tonight; very nervous about this! It will be our first time to try Cliff shots and run with the Camelbak. Full report to follow...

Over the weekend we went to Angelfire with Christine and David. Here we are:



The leaves were changing, and it was gorgeous! We had an active yet lazy weekend, exercising in the mornings and lazing around for the rest of the day. The guys mountain biked, Christine ran, and I power walked with the dogs. Here are the rest of the pics:

I'm very nervous about the 10k this weekend. Christine and David are running it with us--so is a lot of my family. We did a family fitness challenge and my sister and sister in law (Amber) are running the 10k with us, and my little brother and other sister in law (Jenn) are running the 5k. Should be fun (not the race itself, but the atmosphere with all family members together)! However, though my initial goal was to just finish a 10k, I'm feeling some self-imposed pressure to finish in a certain time. I completely annoy myself with these ridiculous time goals that mean nothing. I mean, it would be one thing if they were fast time goals, but they're definitely not. I keep telling myself I will be satisfied to just complete it, but I know I will be disappointed if I don't finish it in a "decent" time. I definitely need to work on that attitude this week. I was reading in a book that you should have 3 "goal times": 1. if all the stars are aligned correctly, you sleep well, your legs feel great--the "perfect circumstance goal", 2. what you'd be pleased with, but not ecstatic about, and 3. a time you can live with if you just have a bad day out there. So...after way too much thinking, these are my "goal times":

1. Perfect circumstance goal=1:00:35. I'd really love to finish in 1:00:"something". This is the time the McMillan Running Calculator gives me based on my best 5k time. I would give random people hugs if I finished in this time.
2. Pleased with the time goal=1:04:35. This would put me at a pace of 10:23/mile which is 1 minute above my 5k pace, and the pace I'll need to sustain to meet my half marathon "perfect circumstance goal" of 2:15:"something".
3. Live with it goal=1:08:30. This time would get me a last place finish (in my age group) and probably leave me in tears, but I'm open to having a really bad day out there. I based it on my training pace of 11:00/mile. I know this goal should be to "just finish", but well, that wouldn't be honest because I don't want to "just finish". I'd like to finish with a little dignity.